January 18, 2021

Overcoming the Fear to Shine


I'm a certified leadership & life coach, transpersonal psychologist, university lecturer and skilled facilitator for personal & collective transformation with more than 12 years of international working experience.

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“I am scared to piss people off when I show myself fully. I am scared that I will be on my own when I embody my greatness and shine my light !“

Does this sound like you? 

Let me tell you, I know how that feels. Oh yeah. For so many years this is what I thought – once I live my truth, once I show myself with all that I am, this is the moment when I will lose my belonging. This is when I will be… alone. 

There seem to be so many good reasons for that belief. You might have experienced a lot of rejection in the past,… for being different, for being too much, for being too wild, for being too smart, for being too beautiful, for being too …you. 

And it seems as if the belief that formed as a result of it makes a lot of sense. You better don’t show yourself. You better stay small to fit in. And so you do. Or at least you try. 

Whether you are aware of it or not, you are actually not in your place. And that means that you are taking the place from somebody else. Have you ever considered that? That it is true – that you are actually taking up too much space, but it’s because you are in fact in the wrong place? You are not being yourself! 

It feels wrong. You know it. Deep down you do know that you are pretending, that this is not who you are.

We all have it – the bullshit detector. We know when someone is being authentic and when someone is pretending to be. We might not always know what it is that gets us irritated but if there is an incongruence between the inner and the outer world, we tend to feel it. 

So if you play small despite the fact that you are big, people can feel it. And they get triggered by you trying to fit in and to belong. They won’t tell you to go out there and shine your light boldly, but the truth is, that this is what they feel: „Stop pretending to be someone you are not. I know it. You are different. Own it.“ 

And so…. what are you doing it for? Ah yes, belonging. But here’s the catch:

The belonging isn’t real either. Actually it often feels wrong too. The people that you attract, that you surround yourself with, aren’t an energetic match to the real you. The friendships, the relationships, they might be ok, but they won’t satisfy you in the long run. 

Now … let me share what I have learned lately, both in my own life and observing my client’s processes …

It appears to be contradictory but I found this to be true: 

Once we take the place that is truly meant for us, it is as if the universe exhales deeply and something inside of you and others relaxes. You will feel it as people will start to relate to you in a different way. 

Instead of being irritated by you taking up too much space, they will be inspired by you showing the way. 

Instead of being triggered by your bold confidence, they will want to learn from you. 

Instead of rejecting you for being you, they will start to embrace you for living your truth. 

We all have a unique place in this vast universe. There is no competition in this place where we stop pretending, copying, and being someone that we are not. If we fully land within ourselves and in the world, people around us can feel it. They might not understand it but there is a consent. It just feels right. For you and them. 

And you will start to attract the people that TRULY belong to you. Your tribe that mirrors and loves you for who you are. It all starts from there. You being yourself. Fully. Unapologetically. The love and the belonging flows from there. 

Will you lose people on the way? Yes, you will. And it will feel ok. It’s a natural selection process. People that don’t match your frequency anymore will drop away, you will start to attract the partner, the friends, the networks that resonate with you on a much deeper level. 

If this were true .. would you dare to go out there and show yourself? What is one step that you could do in that direction today?

Kathrin Fox Coaching Blog

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I work with female leaders & visionaries who care about healing, awakening & making a difference with their lives. My art lies in helping you to unravel your most essential self and to rise into your authentic power, beauty and truth, so you can live, lead and love from your innermost center instead of the periphery.

Kathrin Fox 

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We are explorers, status-quo challengers, truth seekers - searching for something more, something deeper, something more beautiful. 

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